Beer, Peanuts, and everything else about the Stadium Experience. Except the game.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


  • Cubs: 1
  • Phillies: 4
  • Sold: 5 cases of beer/12 bottles water
Humid and languid, with the house full but the crowd mellow. My favorite moment came when I saw Neal talking to another vendor at the bottom of a staircase leading to the bloody-nose 400 level seats, so I quietly ran behind him before he could hit the crowd up there. It wasn't 15 seconds before he was up there too, and we locked eyes, and I cut him off to hit the row first, with him trailing right behind, stuck behind a couple of wanderers. I got such a kick out of the petty competition of it that I didn't even mind when an initial order for five bottles got cut to only two once the customer saw he had Millers to sell. At least she didn't cut me out entirely, the doll.

Other snippets of activity tonight:
[Passing the cordoned smoking section]
Me: AnybodyforacoldCoorsLight?
Smoker: I'll take one.
Me: Sure! Double your vices!
Smoker: Thanks for saying that. How much?
1st inning:
Fan: I'll take two. How much?
Me: 13.50. It's 6.75 a bottle.
Fan 2: How 'bout 10 for 10 dollars?
Me: Listen; I'll do the math, you do the drinking.
2nd inning:
Me: IcecoldCoorsLighthere!
Fella: I wanna Miller. Who drinks that stuff?
Me: The outliers, sir. I serve the independent thinkers, the mavericks! You keep doing as the herd does.
3rd inning:
Me: HeyHey -- Coors Light here! Rocky Mountain beer for high altitude seats!
Lady: Hey now, what are you trying to say?
Me: I'm saying that you paid almost as much for that seat as I'm charging for this beer.
4th inning:
Me: AnybodyneedacoldCoors?
Guy: That's not beer.
Me: It's the same swill you got in that bottle there. Just a different label.
5th inning:
Dude: How much is beer?
Me: 6.75.
Dude: How much is one of those waters?
Me: Only four.
Dude: Four bucks for water? Geez.
Me: Yup. You want one?
Dude: Yeah, I'll take one of those.
Me: Look at it this way. You just saved almost three bucks! And for four ounces more fluid, too!
6th inning:
Me: Ice cold Coors!
Mook: Send the Bud man!
Me: I will do no such thing -- he is my mortal enemy!
Bottom of the 7th:
[Finding a group of Cubs people who I'd sold two rounds of 6 to.]
They: Hey you made it! We were just calling down to you!
Me: I didn't even hear you -- I just knew you were here somewhere.
They: We were calling out 'seventy-eight, seventy-eight!' And here you are just seconds later!
Me: I have a sense about these things. How many?
They: Might as well go with 12 because it's last call.
Me: [counting out exactly 12 left in my case] I have exactly that many left. It must be synchronicity.
They: You rule, Beerman! How much?
Me: That's 81 bucks.
They: No problem. Let's see here....
Me: [to gawkers in row right behind] See that? My kind of customers!
They: Here's 91 dollars for your trouble. Thanks, Beerman!
Me: Nice. Very generous of you! You, uh, gonna be here tomorrow?
They: Naw, this is it.
Me: [Registering disappointment.]

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