Phanatic

• Cubs: 1
• Phillies: 10
• Sold: 7 cases Coors

Every now and then I'll be laboring in the upper deck in Philly when the mood of the crowd will lighten and they'll break out laughing. And I'll look over to the outfield JumboTron and I'll see that The Phillie Phanatic is acting up again. People in Philadelphia love this doofy mascot, a green 6'6", 300 lb. furry whatzit that resembles a cross between an obese chicken and a platypus. Every game he's* involved in another merrisome skit: he rides around the sideline and outfield on an ATV, he shoots wrapped hot dogs into the stands using a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher, he jams on a guitar with colonial-era reenactors to Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way?"** He gets the families into the park (and was in fact developed in 1977 to dilute somewhat the less jolly fanaticism of the drunks who once inhabited the Vet), and he's a source of additional licensing revenue: in addition to the dolls and trading cards and DVDs, the big green muppet is also the subject of a book series that includes the titles The Phillie Phantic's Phantastic Journey, The Phillie Phantic's Moving Day, and The Phillie Phanatic's Christmas Wish.

Tonight Jack Nicholson was watching from behind home plate, the Phanatic taunted the erstwhile Joker:

Nicholson was apparently in town shooting the same James L. Brooks movie that I was part of at Nationals Park a couple of months ago. So I guess he was successful in lobbying Brooks for a part.

On an unrelated note, tonight marks the anniversary of the Apollo moon landing. Forty years ago tonight, human beings first touched boot to a non-earth planetary body, the first tremulous step outside the blue cocoon of earth to explore the vast reaches of the universe. Of all the accomplishments of the 20th century, the moon landing (or Gagarin's space walk) might be the one still considered the most significant 1,000 years from now. At least two of the 24 astronauts in the Apollo program went on to found spiritual centers after leaving the space program, and one of them, Edgar Mitchell, had a religious experience during his moonwalk during which he identified a profound connection to the universe. Buzz Aldrin, awed by the airless dusty lunar surface, was moved to describe it poetically as "magnificent desolation." But it's also notable that, of the two dozen Apollo astronauts, three of them (12.5%) -- Stuart Roosa, Alan Shepard, and Charlie Duke -- went on to own beer distributorships in post-NASA life. I do not think this is statistically insignificant.

*And the otherwise asexual Phanatic is in fact a 'he'; his official MLB profile lists 'Phyllis' as his Best Friend, and I'm assuming he's hetero. Speaking of which, by the way, tonight was the 5th annual Gay Pride Night back at Nationals park, which for an evening made the place just about the least hetero spot in professional sports. I remember it being quite a scene: the anthem is sung by the Gay Men's Choir, and the upper deck is packed with lots of dudes with goatees and tight-fitting T-shirts, and a smattering of similar looking women. The place is roiling with a peculiar energy (especially for the weekday nights on which it was scheduled), like a school bus full of excitable kids on a field trip. The last time I vended the upper deck during Gay Night was at RFK in 2007, and my main goal was to avoid too much misleading eye contact, though plenty was coming my way. It was no surprise that tips were particularly good. Plenty of the customers wanted to say their hellos, and -- after plenty of lopsided conversations and at least one indecent proposal (which made me the object of much mirth among the other vendors when I made the mistake of telling them) -- I was left wondering what cruel trick of biology prevents otherwise nubile young women from being so forward, or so randy to begin with.
The Nationals gay night is one of many in MLB, and apparently one of the better-attended, which figures for a gay-friendly town like DC. I'd figured that Philadelphia wouldn't have anything to do with it, but I was wrong, though instead of DC's lively, roiling upper deck, the Phillies' "Gay Community Night" this August 4 is to be a smaller affair, limited to eleven sections of the upper right field seats.

** Most notoriously, during a 1988 gametime skit the Phantic assaulted a doll wearing a 'Lasorda' Dodgers jersey in front of the Dodgers dugout, inciting manager Tommy Lasorda*** to attack the mascot. "There were a lot of kids there, and he's showing them violence," said Lasorda after punching the Phanatic in the face. "He didn't need to do that."

*** Last month Lasorda was sitting with junk bond financier Michael Milkin in the first row behind the Orioles dugout and I served them Lemonade. Lasorda appeared sauced and hadn't much to say, and I had to ask several times for payment, which a handler in the aisle seat eventually provided.